Recurring Themes

What am I doing here?

How do I make my life...

   purposeful

to ending these human injustices

And now I shift to myself

why am I so selfish

somehow, I have turned my thoughts

from being disgusted by the death penalty

and translated them

into a carnal urge...

to make myself sick

Displacement --- selfishness

contradictions within thy self

depression from the terrors

leads to a reinforcement of my prison

Will I ever escape?

Let me go!

Focus on my true feelings

do not let them slip into another form

I lose my purpose

Where do I go from here?

Relief and Good Times

The infamous day has come and past. Now I am finished, done, that's it. I am a student no more. Everything looks a bit brighter even as the rain drops fall down to earth. The knots of restraint have been broken; I am one step closer to the rest of my life.

The best days are the ones where you get to join with all of your friends in celebration. All that is important are the people you are with and the good times you are having. The memories you make will last a life time.

All the while I hate to think I am sad to leave all of the good things that surround me right now. I am comfortable where I am. I like the people and the places. But I need to leave. For me, for my passion, for others, to at least try and make a difference.

Refreshing?

Receptivity
Lingering appreciation
What more can I ask for?

Do you look at me differently now?
Probably
Maybe it does not have to be a bad thing though

It could be a refreshing beginning

Secrets confound trust
Openness is expected

And the Count Down Begins

So I have about 2 months and one week left before I am off to Rosso, Mauritania to beginning training for my position as a Girls Education and Empowerment Agent. Before I leave I have so much to finish and I have a bunch of things planned to keep me busy.

Well for one I have to complete my masters in sociology. So that means that I need to write a few papers and take some finals, but probably the most important thing that needs to happen is for me to pass my comprehensive exam. May 4th is the infamous day where I need to take this 8 hour long test. I need to answer 3 out of 5 questions by applying social theory and research methods to a diverse array of broad social topics. You either pass or fail the exam and in order to officially obtain your masters you must pass. And I do not have any second chances.

On top of this I am busy teaching at Northampton Community College. That certainly keeps me busy with grading, making lesson plans and tests, and keeping up with all of the students.

Both of these are like full time jobs. They keep the weeks passing on by. So May 4th I will be done with Lehigh and then May 14th I will be done with NCC. After that Kevin and I are going to Disney at the end of May! Planning for that trip has been a lot of fun. Then when I come back from Disney I move out of my place at Lehigh and really start to prepare for Mauritania.

It is all coming so quickly, I feel like I do not have time to do everything. For now, though, I am enjoying the ride and the people I am with.

Peace Corps Service in Mauritania

Wow! I am completely overwhelmed with everything. I have spent years of my life yearning to join the Peace Corps and the past year of my life going through the application process. Even though joining the Peace Corps has been something I have wanted to do ever since I heard about it, actually applying was at first one of the most whimsical things I have ever done.

My whole life, I have lived in the Lehigh Valley. I grew up here and even went to college and grad school here. Part of me has always wanted to leave, but I have never taken the steps to do so. Finally Last spring I decided that I was going to apply. The application, I thought, was pretty intensive; it was almost 30 pages of filling out information about myself. Little did I know that the application was actually a fairly easy step in the process and only a small foundation for everything else that I would be required to do. After submitting the application and all of the extra documents that were necessary, I went in for an interview in the NYC regional department. The interview was very exciting and also helpful in realizing some of the realities of joining the Peace Corps. The following day [July 8, 2008] I received a nomination for community development in sub-saharan africa. It all seemed to be happening so quickly.

But then came the difficult part, submitting lots of paperwork concerning your medical and legal status. You are trying to finish all of these things as quickly as possible. But then as soon as that was finished, I simply had to wait. It felt like so long that I had to wait, just to hear that I was medically approved. Even after that happened though, I was doomed to wait again.

My application was finally transferred to the Africa placement office, but I still had to wait. 8 1/2 months after I was nominated for sub-saharan africa I was offered an invitation. Those were some of the most torturous 8 1/2 months of my life. I felt like the fulfillment of my dreams were in the hands of someone else and I had no more control over what was going to happen.

Now looking back, it is easier to understand how there are a lot of steps to the process and placing individuals in correct positions. Just two weeks ago, though, I was squirming and unable to understand why everything was taking so long.

Through this long application journey I have learned that the situation is what you make of it. Along the way I have had a bunch of random opportunities spring up - teaching for one. I decided to accept these opportunities and make the most of what I do have. Even though the Peace Corps was my dream, I had to be prepared for the possibility that it was not going to work out for what ever reasons at this point in my life. Maybe I am only able to say this because I have accepted an invitation to serve in the Peace Corps.

Unfortunately for me, I am currently a graduate student and an adjunct faculty still having responsibilities and tasks to accomplish before I am able to leave. Right now my hugest problem is the distraction that the prospect of Mauritania brings to my everyday thoughts and actions. I have been unable to focus on my daily responsibilities without trying to go through everything that needs to be done before I leave in June.

I am so excited by the opportunity to integrate into a completely different culture that I am not able to concentrate. But I am honestly ok with this fact and I think it is a good thing.

My dreams are finally becoming a reality.

Flash-backs

I suddenly find myself in an alternate universe
Too perfect to be real
Never failing to amaze me

I wonder if you notice the difference
Its happening so fast—overwhelming me
Without asking me what I want

Failed distancing attempts
No longer do I have control
Succumbing to the situation
Your body entwined with mine
Melting into utopia